Business Advice | Life Advice | Life Lessons
Should You Quit Your Job?
How to know when it is time to quit a job or a relationship.
My neighbor and I were chatting over a glass of wine when she told me, “I hate my job. I absolutely hate it. Just 16 more years until I retire.” She had already been there 24 years.
I asked, “If you hate your job so much, why don’t you talk to a headhunter and find a job you enjoy?” She replied, “I could never find a job like this again.”
That’s the point.
You don’t want a soul draining job that you hate.
She actually has no idea if there is something better or better paying because she has never ever tried. She has never talked to a headhunter, looked at the job websites, submitted her resume, or networked looking for opportunities.
Her perspective is solely based on her unsubstantiated belief, with zero evidence that she cannot find another job. Frankly, I think it is insanely naïve to think that you cannot find a better job… and mostly likely, with better pay.
Are you really going to stay in a job that you hate for 40 years just to get to retirement and miss out on life along the way? It’s truly sad, but millions of people do just this. But why?
Humans are hard wired against change.
The “Get a job for life” mentality fits right into our hard wired constructs.
For generations, we have been told to get a good job, be happy you have it, and stay there for life. It’s a mantra of every modern culture.
My friend Jerry, lost his job three months before retirement. He got caught in a corporate downsizing. At first he thought, “Not bad, my retirement will come three months early.” That would be true, except he found out that they cut his pension in half because he was three months short of the time needed to fully vest into his pension.
They fired him just three months short of a full pension. After 40 years of dedicated service.
They screwed him. Shocker, right?
It was probably intentional because the company saved hundreds of thousands of dollars in retirement benefits on Jerry alone. Multiply that by hundreds or thousands of employees similar to him and the company saves many millions of dollars.
What happened to Jerry?
Many years later, he is still working long into retirement age because he can’t afford to live on a half pension without working. The worst part is that he never liked his job all that much. He didn’t hate it, but he sure didn’t like it all that much. Doesn’t seem like much of a reward after 40 years working with the same company.
Then why did Jerry stay?
He stayed there because he thought he was safe and because that was what you are supposed to do. He was raised with the idea of get a job and keep it for life and he fully believed it.
If your job is a bad fit, that job will kill you. Maybe not literally, but it will kill your soul decades before you are buried. A job you hate wears you down and zaps your enthusiasm and passion for life.
Like my neighbors, over time, it will leave you as a fragmented shell of what you would have been. What do you get for your dedication and loyalty? A couple of weeks of vacation holiday per year and a half pension?
You want a career that you enjoy. You want a job that makes you excited to share your day’s experiences over dinner with your family. Ideally, it is also your passion, or gives you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. One that your abilities and passions are expressed. Hopefully, you are financially rewarded well for it.
You want a job that has a positive effect on your life, in addition to a paycheck.
Naysayers will complain that this is motivation rah-rah and that you should be happy that you have a job… any job. Some cynics will say that it is irresponsible for me to encourage you to find a job that you love.
The cranky naysayers are wrong. Completely wrong. But that shouldn’t be a surprise. It’s easier to be a critic than it is to create a life that you love.
Years ago, I worked in the New York City aquarium on weekends because I loved being with the sea life and contributing to the success of the aquarium. I could have easily and happily stayed in that job because I enjoyed it so much. But I knew that wasn’t my calling, so eventually, I moved on. But wow, I am so glad that I had the experience.
I am friends with many authors, coaches and consultants that love what they do, plus they make amazing money. I know people who are chefs, martial arts instructors, tour guides, and wine sommeliers.
Guess what?… they love their job.
They are excited to go to work.
You have to work, right?
But there is no reason you can’t work doing something you love or at least enjoy. Nobody should have a job they hate. Not even a minimum wage job level.
Why don’t we leave a crappy job?
Too often we hold on to what we know, even when what we know, sucks. Even when what we know it is not the right fit. Or worse, it makes us miserable. As the saying goes, “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.”
That is a horrible mantra. People stay in jobs too long because of this mentality. They stay in relationships too long. Live in a place they don’t like for too long. We keep toxic people in their life for too long.
Why do we stay when we know we should leave?
There is a mental conflict that we all have. The reason we stay in a bad situation for too long is a mix of two powerful emotions that can keep us stuck.
Comfort and discomfort …
We stay because it is more comfortable to stay than it is to leave our comfort zone. Even if the relationship or the job truly sucks. This doesn’t make sense, and yet we have all done it. This is the zone of familiarity. You might hate it, but you know it. You rationalize it saying, “Its not THAT bad.”
What you know is more comfortable than the unknown.
The unknown is uncertain. It seems scary or a lot of work.
We stay because it is uncomfortable to leave the zone of familiarity. Sometimes, it is painfully uncomfortable. It takes purposeful effort to do something different and new. There is fear that shows up as a million “what ifs.”
What if I can’t find a better job?
What if I can meet someone else?
What if I have to come back here?
Every time I leave the USA to live abroad for months, I always have this fear about leaving. I’ve done this dozens times, and yet, it still rears its ugly head. Thoughts creep into my mind, “What if I don’t like it?” “What if I get sick?” “What if I get robbed?” And other negative thoughts like that. But everything is always, and I mean always… amazing.
The fear is totally fabricated in my mind.
How many times have you said no to something because you weren’t sure if it would work out? Then, years later, how many times do you wish you would have done it?
My clients come to seek my help to help them recreate their life. What do they want? To live a life that they love. They are seeking happiness in life and work. Often they are recently divorced.
They realize this is an opportunity to recreate who they are, but they are afraid to get back into dating. “Croix, I haven’t been on a first date in 20-some years. I don’t know how to do this.”
I understand because I am single too. Most often when I go on a first date, I am nervous. I have no reason to be. None. But I am. Our mind plays games with us.
“What if it is a disaster?”
“What if she looks nothing like her photos?”
“What if I really like her, but she is not into me?”
I have never had a disaster date. There have been a few that were dates that were… uh… different… than I expected, but never a disaster.
So many times we have these manufactured and irrational worries. I can’t really call them fears because they are more like a worry-level, kind of concern. But that is still enough to stop us from doing the thing we want to do. Especially something as significant as a leaving a job or leaving a bad relationship.
If you are unhappy with something in your life, like a job, relationship, or health, then make a change. Easily said, a little harder to do.
If you cannot fix it… then get out.
There’s nothing in life worth you being miserable and suffering. Especially the toxic environment of a job or a business that you hate just so you can have a paycheck.
Maybe you cannot quit today… you know… bills to pay and all. But that doesn’t mean you can’t start preparing, so that in a month or six, you can leave that job and find one that brings you happiness and satisfaction.
Will it be easy?
Maybe not. But I can assure you that it won’t be nearly as hard as you think it will be.
Will it be worth it?
Hell Yeah!
And then you will wonder, “Why didn’t I do this years ago?”
If not today?
Then when?
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